Unlikely Candidate

I tend to think that I have nothing to offer God. I am flawed by sin. I am paralyzed by fear. I held captive by past memories. I have an unproven track record. Yet God wants me. He is asking me to take those things that I most regret, dislike, and fear about myself... and throw them before Him. He can then make it as tools to refine me to a perfect candidate to display His power and might. I am NOT THERE YET, but I must give up what is not in my power to change... that He might reign in power through the change He can make in me.

The Heartbeat of God

I am being challenged like never before in my life. I can hear a rhythmic booming in my ear. It is ever increasing. I have tried to ignored it and even run from it. I can't. It is the heartbeat of God. It is beating to move me to live... to really live! It is telling me to march on in boldness and go wherever God may send. It is telling me to love without restraints. I want to make God's heart glad. I know I am very slow to give God all of my heart... my passions and desires. Instead I need to seek to do His passions and desires, then He will do more than could ever imagine or dare to desire. I am NOT THERE YET... I am not where I was... I am anticipating what is ahead and rest in Him for strength now.

My Shepherd

Lord, You are so good to me. I cannot believe all the wonderful things that You alone can provide for me. You guide me. I can hear Your voice because I belong to You. You give me restoration in those hard times when I need comfort, healing, and rest. You even challenge me to trudge ahead through the valleys with perfect assurance that You are faithful. I know that You are preparing a home for me with You that I may dwell in securely in Your presence. I am NOT THERE YET, but You are leading me there. In Your name, amen.

Exposed

I have read that the Bible is sharper than a double-edged sword. Its blade is used to open me up and expose my every thought and deed before God. I am laid bare by it. That may seem like a terrifying thought but it is a thought that feels me with confidence. The One holding the blade is the Great Physician. He is examining my life to expose the cancer of sin and then cut it out before it can spread. He has saved me. Now He is sanctifying me because I am NOT THERE YET. I can have total boldness to approach God because I know He knows the battles of temptation that I have to fight. He chose to battle similar temptations Himself. He knows and is now interceding for me.

Send me?

I am often very self-seeking. I find myself trying to build up my own kingdom a lot of times. Do I even think about God's kingdom and His will? God is looking for someone to stand up and say "Send me!" He wants an individual to step out in faith and trust Him at His Word. My response is too often "Bless me!" Yet He does every single day without me taking time to notice. I am NOT THERE YET, but maybe it's because I haven't allowed Him to take me where I need to be.

Road Signs

I have been thinking a lot about signs. I admit that I don't always pay attention to road signs. I have missed my fair share of exits, and I have acquire a few speeding tickets along the way. I have even driven the wrong way down a one-way street. God has placed several road signs in my life. Yes, I have missed quite a few because I just wasn't paying attention. I even missed several because I disobediently ignored them. God would be better off using billboards instead of road signs with me at times. Right now, I feel like the road of my life (remember: I am NOT THERE YET) is a construction zone. God has put up caution signs to slow me down. He has even thrown in a few detour signs. I know He has great plans to use me for His service but right now He is working on me.

The Soil of My Heart

A seed has been sown. It is a precious seed that produces amazing fruit. It would enable me to live an abundant life in the Spirit. The problem though is soil. I know there has been times when I have had a hard heart of rejection to hear God's Word. I have also been weak in faith to trust God at even His smallest of promises. I am constantly letting the world distract me with noise, temptation, busyness, material items, and worldly goals. I need to break up the soil of my heart and let God's Word really take root. I want to be used to produce a crop more than my own efforts can produce. I am NOT THERE YET... God is still plowing up my heart conditions to be used in His harvest fields.

Lord, I am so tired. I am running out of energy to do the physical things of life. Unfortunately, I have not had the stamina to fight in the spiritual battles of my life. I am trying to offer myself to You, but I have nothing to give to You of any value. Yet You still value me. I know this because You have not cast me away. Purify me once again. Renew Your Spirit within me. Enable me to do what I do not believe I can do. I am NOT THERE YET, lift me up. In Your name I pray. Amen.

I see people that radiate Christ. I see others who I know are Christians but their relationship with Christ is kept vague. I am wondering if my light is radiant or dim. Does my life exhibit Christ to others? Is my life a pleasing aroma to Christ or does it stink of sin? I read accounts of people who have encountered Christ and their lives are drastically changed. Mine has experienced a change, but it has been a gradual process. I am not blaming God. I have been slow to surrender my life to His control. I am NOT THERE YET, and every day I am reminded how much I am still sitting on the throne of my life. I want to be bold, but I am timid. I want to be proclaim His message loud in my life, but I am unfortunately ashamed when pressured by the eyes of this watching world. He did not save me to be afraid. He is with me in the public arena of life. God has filled me with His Spirit to seal me until the day He returns for me. I am NOT THERE YET.

I have been very distracted lately. Death can really interrupt life. It can interrupt and put a pause on pretty much everything in life. I just kept thinking... "This is not the way He meant it to be." Death may be considered one of those natural things of life, but it is not. It was not in God's plan of our lives. He planned a wonderful, intimate relationship with us that was eternal. Now, because of the existance of sin, that relationship only fully exists on the other side of death for those who have surrendered their lives to Christ. To conquer sin, Christ had to die. To conquer death, He had to rise. To accept that free gift of eternal life, we must unite ourselves to His death and resurrection in baptism. I do not fear death. I see it as a promotion and reward. I look forward to hearing Him say, "Well done, my good and faithful servant. Enter into your reward." I am NOT THERE YET, so I will serve Him until then.

Father, I am so thankful to be a part of Your family. I am so privileged to have a support system that is made up of brothers and sisters. You have lavished Your love on each one of us and we are bond together by that love. In this family, we share pain, joy, sadness, and laughter. We put opinions aside because we know that You alone are Truth. Protect Your children from division from the enemy. May our lives be a praise to Your name that we bear as Christians. We are NOT THERE YET. I am NOT THERE YET. I have them. They have me. In Your holy name, Jesus, amen.

I have been thinking a lot about (and experiencing) sorrow the last few days. I have seen those around me that have had to come to grips with their sins and plead for forgiveness from those they have hurt. Then my own temptations come back to haunt me and my desires become self-seeking instead of Christ-centered. I am sorrowful because of the traps into which I allow myself to fall. I am sorrowful because I have hurt others with my selfish choices. I am sorrowful especially because it is against the One who lovingly created me. I am not sorrowful because I have been found out or caught. In an effort to live with more integrity, I am trying to make the grey areas of my life translucent to those around me. I don't want to admit my every single fault but this journey is stretching me to do so. I must admit that I am NOT THERE YET. My sorrow is not just expressed in apologetic words, but it is taking form in repentant actions. I am NOT THERE YET. I am cleaning house. I am seeking forgiveness and anticipating change.

Some things are harder to do than other things. Some things are so hard to do that it can literally make you sick to even think about doing it. Admitting faults can often be one of those things. It can also be difficult to confront others with truth. I find it hard to face others when I know that I am going to hear something that I do not want to hear... which can be their opinions but sometimes the truth. It is especially difficult to know the Truth of God and apply Its simple (yet absolute) truth to my life. Why? I have a sinful nature that has been so deceived that when confronted with Truth does not want to concede defeat. If that Truth is applied to the situations already mentioned then it becomes a stand-off. Relationships are very difficult to manage. The natural desire is to put me first. I cannot risk humiliation to lower myself in status with others... but Truth tells me I must. It also gives me an example of One who did for me. Christ died a humiliating death for the entertainment of those who rejected Him, plotted against Him, spread false testimony against Him, and rejoiced in His physical and emotional sufferings. Every day brings multiple relationship opportunities. Who will reign in them? Christ? Me? I confess I am NOT THERE YET. I pray tomorrow will not be about me... so that Christ can be glorified as Lord by others.

I want to be used by God. I have been trying to do so much that it just seems like I get in His way sometimes. I want to acheive so much but I am not sure if it is all for His glory. I want to serve, but I forget to do so with humility. I want to be a tool in the Master Craftsman's hands. I want to be clay on His potter's wheel. I want to be an instrument of His grace to those who like me are NOT THERE YET. I want to be a holy example. Unfortunately, it seems no matter how hard I try... I am what people see. I pridefully accept the applause when things go well. Then God seems to get the blame when I am such a horrible representative of His holiness. I cannot be hidden because I have taken up the high calling of my Lord, Jesus Christ. I am a reflection of Him. May I radiate His glory in all that I do. I am NOT THERE YET, but I am His ambassador while I am here.

Where does my praise come from? My praise to God is not based on sheer emotion. It is not about feelings. Yes, my feelings do get absorbed into the moment of praise, but my praise finds its real base in facts not feelings. I can praise God for who He is, what He has done, and His promises to me. Things around me are constantly changing around me. Even inside my mind, my thoughts and emotions are betraying and, at times, self-imploding. I cannot find reasons for peace, hope, or even to love without the solid presence of God in my life. Is everything in my life calm? No way! Peace comes in the midst of turmoil though when I know that the storms will pass and God is in control. I can express the purest form of love (agape) because I have been given so much from God for no reason at all. I have hope that even though I am NOT THERE YET, I am going to see God (the object of my praise).

I have had the opportunity lately to reflect on relationships. I am thankful for the many different types of relationships that I have the opportunity to enjoy. I am thankful especially that I have a relationship with my Lord and Savior. Christianity has been accused of being nothing more than just another religion with rituals, disciplines, and sacraments aimed at a figure of deity of the person's choice. First, I see Christianity as a relationship (not a religion) because I see that God stepped into His creation by laying aside His privileges of God (and all its splendor) and donning a body of finite mortality. Second, I see Christianity as a relationship because I see that God modeled everything that was taught in His Word and fulfilled the holy requirements that we couldn't because of our rebellion. Finally, I see Christianity as a relationship because I see that God did not set up an unattainable standard that people should strive to live up to but He died that all who accepted His free gift (His own life given in sacrifice for our sins) could be imputed with His righteousness... and, by definition, be put in a right relationship with God (against whom we have sinned). It is not about what we are doing (religion)... it is about what He has done for us to live in a relationship with Him. I am NOT THERE YET... but it is not dependent on me because He is the One who is lovingly transforming me into His likeness if I let Him.

Focus. I need focus. Lately I have been anything but focused. It is amazing to me that when the body feels weak from either sickness, injury, fatigue, or lack of sleep... the mind is weak too. I have had more time to sit this week than most weeks, but I have not been focused. Life is such a juggling act... except I am not coordinated enough. I think that it is hard to focus on the spiritual side of life when the physical side is so in-your-face and the emotional side is so pulsating. Why does it have to be a constant struggle? If it was only as easy as turning on cruise control, then we probably wouldn't learn a thing about it. God wants to be Lord of our life. He is God. He died to be our Savior. He will one day prove to everyone that He is indeed Lord. I have placed my faith in Him as God. I have clung to Him as my only means to salvation. I am trying every day to make Him Lord of my entire life. I am NOT THERE YET. May He reign as Lord of my life more every day though.

Lord, redirect my thoughts to You. Distractions have clouded my life and my vision of You. Bring me back to my first love. Wash me clean once again. Take away my guilt and set me on the right way toward Your righteousness. Give me a fire that burns with passion for You and Your ways. Open up a road ahead of me. Thank You for Your guidance and patience. I am waiting Your instruction and even Your discipline. I want to live this lifetime (that You have given me) for You. Strengthen my spiritual endurance. Help me run this race... I am NOT THERE YET. In Jesus' name, amen.

God, You are so consuming. You engulf me with Your love. You give me my needs when I don't even no what they are. You have been the only constant in this world for me. I have found myself giving You control this week into areas of my life that I want so badly to handle on my own. I want You to feel at home in my life though. Make Yourself comfortable. Explore every area of my life and remodel what You want... I am NOT THERE YET. You are still faithful though and You are molding me into Your likeness. Thank You. In Jesus' name, amen.

I am very opinionated. I have actions, reactions, emotions, and thoughts programmed into me from years of listening to cleverly crafted lies from the deceiver. I am a man of convictions, but I am willing to admit that not all of them have been founded and rooted in truth. I am so trying to rewire my thinking which in turn will change my actions. I am still finding myself trying to justify my stubbornness. I have found Truth in a world engulfed in lies though. It is not just my opinion. It has been breathed forth from the mouth of the Almighty God. The more that I fill myself with the living organism that is the Word of God... the more my deceived opinions are expelled from my heart and mind. The stain of my rebellious sin has been removed. The poisonous lies are being remedied. I am NOT THERE YET... but I am building myself upon a Rock.

I have been trying to figure out my role in the grander scheme of things. God has such a great view of the working of everything in the universe. His hand moves pieces into place by setting signs and sometimes billboards in view of open hearts and minds. Some people listen and allow God to use them. Others are ignorant of the interceeding hand of God. I am glad to say that I have seen God at work. I have even been able to play a part into God's wonderful plan of salvation and reconciliation. I have wallowed in times when I thought that God was not using me at all though. I have proclaimed His Word to lost souls. I have seen so many either be completely unchanged by It's truth or vehemently reject It altogether. I have questioned why I must be faithful to keep preaching when no one is listening. I have also celebrated in seasons of bountiful harvest. I do not know what role I have really played in anyone's life in regard to their relationship with Christ because I am NOT THERE YET, but one day I will. I eagerly await that day. I will keep preaching until then.

I serve an amazing God. I see Him in the beauty of nature. I see Him in the ability to reason. I hear Him in the harmony of a song. I feel Him in every heartbeat. I hear Him the giggle of children. I feel His love in the warmth of the sunshine. I reach for Him from the highest mountain peak. I have tasted His goodness in every good thing I have been given. To think that I can experience Him is awesome. I read His revelation and the path in front of me is lit brightly. His love is intoxicating. I want to know it all more and experience it more. I pursue Him every day because I am NOT THERE YET.

I am reaching goals. I am seeing small victories in my life. I can see how God has changed me. I can see how God is changing me. I can see that the more I focus on God then the less I fall back to those things in my past. I know better than to set my goals to high and unrealistic. I do have an ultimate goal... God's holiness and His holy standard. I realize though that I cannot reach such a glorious prize without taking the individual, daily death of my desires, pride, and self. I cannot commit a lifetime to God without committing my individual days to Him. So, tomorrow is the first goal to attain. I want to be with God tomorrow, so that I can be with God the next day and every day afterwards. Included in that commitment of tomorrow, I will do what God has given me to accomplish with joy, purpose, and a self-sacrificing attitude. I have been crucified with Christ... and I am really living. I am NOT THERE YET... but I am taking it one step at a time.

I am trying to kill myself. No, I am not trying to kill my physical body. I am trying to put to death more and more of my old man that Satan still likes to resurrect. I am under extreme conviction right now to sever any connection. I am wrestling. Unfortunately I am still trying to find a middle ground. No compromise can be accepted though. God's Word must be the authoritative judge. Satan, did you hear that! I love my Lord. He has already delivered me from the eternal consequences of my willful sins. He has offered my grace even though I know I do not deserve it. I know that the One that lives within me is greater than any force that is at work in this fallen world. I am NOT THERE YET... I can win though through His strength.

What can I possibly offer to God? He owns everything because He created everything out of nothing. I don't know what He ever saw in me. I know He created me the way He wanted. I was made perfect. I became flawed and damaged by sins of my own choosing. I have been forgiven by His very blood. I can offer at the least all I have to give. Yes, it is nothing compared to what He has or what He has given me. Yet, what I offer Him is somehow transformed into more than I could ever imagine. I see God multiplying my gifts to reach so many more than I could ever reach. I see my talents expand with power from God. It is so hard to believe that anything that I could ever offer Him would be a sweet aroma to Him. I am NOT THERE YET... but He accepts my offerings that come from my sincere adoration. He sees what I can become because He created that way. I am NOT THERE YET... but when I get there, I will lay any reward that I might receive (only by His grace) at His feet in worship.

I have been doing a lot of stuff lately for God. So, I think. My schedule is jammed full of tasks to do for God. I have been focused on His Word and working hard to find ways to present a Word from God to His people. I just haven't spent as much time with God as I have been engaged in doing stuff for God. Can this be possible? I think so. I have regretted a quiet time with God. I have been so busy studying to explain God that I haven't taken time out today to know God. I am sure that a lot of teachers and preachers find this to be fact. I need to get away for a little bit. I need to find that quiet place once again and just listen to God. I must still the thoughts of my brain to hear the desires of His heart. I can hear Him calling me by name. He is drawing me close. I am NOT THERE YET, but I am listening as He calls out.

Lord, I know that You love me unconditionally. I have seen how faithful that You are. I know how unfaithful that I am. I know that You love me not for what I have done, but You love because I was created for a relationship for You. You saw me while I was still unformed in my mother's womb and shaped me in Your holy image. I am planned and made for a holy purpose. Thank You for Your sacrificial love for me that has yet to find an end. I stand in awe of who You are. I can stand redeemed in Your presence for what You have done. I am NOT THERE YET, but Your love is an overwhelming, constraining force in my life. In Jesus' name, amen.

Does God speak in an audible voice? He can if He so chooses. Instead I find that He speaks to my heart though. I find that at times I am bombarded with voices (thoughts and desires) that are craving my attention. How do I even try to discern which voice belongs to the Lord? I use the right filter... God's Written Voice. In such a vast universe, it is impossible for me to find God, but thankfully He has revealed Himself through His Word. I know that God is never-changing (I have experienced His faithfulness). So, I know that God will never give me a message that will ever speak in contrast to His Word. I also know what I can do to know what God's will for my life is. I must renew my mind daily and present myself as a living sacrifice daily for my Lord and Savior. So, I will wake up tomorrow to die to myself. I am striving to hear God as He speaks. My thoughts need to be quieted. I know I am NOT THERE YET, but I will take each day as it comes and offer more of me each day.

Smack! Smack! Smack! Keep walking. Smack! Smack! Smack! Don't look to the right or to the left... and especially don't look back. Sometimes I find myself having to beat my body (and its sinful nature) to make it my slave. So, many times I find myself instead inviting my sinful nature to sit down and "have a chat." Don't do it! Why do I dare think for one second that I can afford to take my sights off of the goal?!? I have seen moments when I am persuaded by even the smallest of stray thoughts to take a head first dive into sin. My thoughts are the things that are so hard to control. Unfortunately, my thoughts that stem from my sinful nature use my body as a ventriloquist dummy. God has provided so many warning signs though to get my attention to stay on the straight and narrow road that leads to His glory. When I look back at past mistakes (sins), I even find that God put detour signs to give me an alternate route (to stay on the straight and narrow road) when I am tempted to walk right off of it. I am NOT THERE YET... I do not claim to be there. I do not boast to be there. I do not brag on my shortcomings (sins), instead I fall on God's compassion and mercy. He knows that I am NOT THERE YET and He offers me continued guidance and faithfulness... even when I am not faithful. I am NOT THERE YET... I am forgiven by God and paid for by His Son's blood. I am sure of that... though I am very undeserving.

God gives me grace for every moment of my life. I am tempted... He gives me a way out. I am depressed... He consoles me. I am lonely... I feel Him close. I am puffed up with pride... He humbles me. I am happy... He rejoices with me. I am angry... He allows me to vent to Him. I am suffering... He can relate to me in my pain. I sin against Him... He forgives me. Every emotion that I have, He is touched by it. God is not aloof from what is happening in my life. He knows me so intimately. He is here right now. He is listening to the outpouring of my heart right now. Wow! I am so glad that I can say that I am a friend of God. My heart was once set against God, but His Word penetrated my heart of stone. I do not chase after God like a wild goose chase. I walk in a relationship with Him. I cannot wait to see His face. I am NOT THERE YET.

I just want to be part of God's plan. I have so many plans that I think are ingenious ideas. I have had them before though... a lot of them have fallen through. I am nowhere close to where I thought I would be in my life. Not that I am complaining though. I do not know where my plans would have taken me, but I am enjoying where His plan for my life has brought me. I just want to be part of God's bigger plan too. I have seen how God can work through even human error to accomplish His ultimate goal of bringing salvation to man. Forces have tried to thwart God's plans, but God is ultimately in control. I cannot imagine what opportunities that God wants me to take advantage of in His plans. I know I am NOT THERE YET, but I may be exactly where God wants me to be to plant a seed, water a seedling, or bring in the harvest of the Gospel. May I allow Him to lead, and not get in His way.

Some people may call Christ a crutch. They may ridicule that I need to believe in God because I am lacking in self-esteem or self-confidence. I am limited in my thought process and unwilling to face the facts. Perhaps I am too self-centered to think that others could possibly be right and, thus, making me wrong. I just need to give up the very idea of God and the religious chains that have enslaved my life. I am not a prisoner to God though. I am a voluntary slave to God. I have been given a free range of life that allows me to do whatever I would ever want to do. I still have a choice. I choose Christ and His love, because everything else is empty in comparison. I find satisfaction in Christ that cannot be found elsewhere. I can partake in all that life has to offer. I can seek to satisfy the parts of me that are temporary (its physical, emotional, social, and psychological aspects) and its desires through all that can be consumed through the senses. The one aspect of my existence though that equals true satisfaction is the spiritual part of me. It is amazing how feeding one part of me leads to all the other needs being met. I am NOT THERE YET... to the ultimate fulfillment of my faith (SIGHT), but I am hungry for more of the only thing that has ever satisfied my endless search for fulfillment.

I can see that God has wonderful plans for my life. I can see that even in my ordinary, daily endeavors that my life has a purpose. It amazes me that I can be an influence to those that I run into on the street. I was created to serve God and bring honor to Him. I was saved to be an ambassador for Him to a world that needs to be reconciled to their Creator. I can see that I have various areas of influence. I have those who are close friends and family that know me on levels that others do not. I have other friends that are not quite as close. Then I see a lot of other people that I come across on my daily tasks. It is overwhelming that God wants to use me to be an ambassador for Him to all of them. I have found that it is easy to share with some of them that I am a Christian. I would hope that I can live my life with a noticeable joy that reflects the glory of Christ living in me. I am a very flawed individual and I know that I have hindered some from accepting Christ. I also know that I will have to give an account for every careless word or deed that has been a bad testimony to God. I am thankful that I will not have to pay the price for those sins (doing what was wrong and not doing what I know was right) because Christ has already paid that price with His own life. I am NOT THERE YET... my prayer is that I can be Christ to all though, that I might lead some into a saving relationship with Him.

Sovereign Lord, I throw myself at Your feet in humble adoration. I have seen Your awesome power and have felt it firsthand in my life. Thank You for revealing Yourself to me and letting Yourself be known by me. I cannot fathom how powerful You really are. I know that what I have been able to witness is only a small glimpse. I have seen "acts of God" that have reminded me that You are the only solid foundation for life. I have seen self-proclaimed "kings of the world" rise and fall from power while the King of Kings still reigns on His throne. I have seen my own feeble plans be changed so many times, and my attention is moved back to the pursuit of Your righteousness. I am pursuing You because I have tested and seen Your goodness. I am NOT THERE YET and I am loving the daily walk with You on my way to the goal of knowing You more. In Jesus' name, amen.

I have not been able to update the blog due to computer failure. So, I am glad to be able to look back on the day on the worldwide web again. I have been battling a schedule conflict this week as well. I mean that I have filled my schedule so busy that I have not taken a lot of time thinking about God. Unfortunately my thoughts have wandered astray and as a result my actions and words have been affected. I once again have realized that self-help is no help at all when it comes to spiritual matters. I can be determined to do what is right, but without being plugged into God as my power source then I am doomed to failure. I need to invest more time in my relationship. My day has not been built upon Christ as my solid rock, and I have seen the instability of my own strength. The great thing is that I can rely on Him to supply my daily needs as each new day begins. I am NOT THERE YET, but this very moment is a time of renewal and recommitment. I am loving this journey with its ups and downs... but I am especially loving the fact that God is faithful through it all.

Have you ever felt like someone was toying with you? I believe he thinks he is just so clever. He thinks he is so powerful. He is more powerful than we by ourselves would ever want to battle. His attacks come so early in our infant walk with Christ. We pose no threat to him before we are a Christian, but he has seen enough of Christ's power at work in His followers that he doesn't want to mess with us. The cost of discipleship is a hard bill for us to pay. Sometimes, unfortunately, it can seem like signing a contract and then realizing you didn't read the fine print that details additional fees. We have to realize that Christ has not promised us "a wonderful life." He has promised us an abundant life that overflows into eternal life. Satan would love it if he could choke out your faith with temptations, trials, attacks, and doubts. We would love to run the Christian walk, but most of the time we find ourselves at a limping walk or even a dragging crawl. I am determined to take every step forward and to help carry as many with me along the way. Satan, don't get in my way... Christ is going to crush you for your attacks on His beloved children. I am NOT THERE YET, but I am going on with Jesus!

God is the author of joy. He has given me more than enough reason to rejoice in my life. I want to focus tonight on His goodness to me and rejoice in the Lord. He has saved me and released me from my prison of sin and the guilt that accompanies it. There is joy in knowing that I have no reason to fear death because its sting has been removed. Christ is alive and He has sent His Holy Spirit to be a source of strength and guidance inside me. I know that He is in control. Satan may throw storms into my way to block His light, but God is greater than anything he can throw at me. I am awaiting His return. He is building a home for me to live eternally in His presence. That day will be an everlasting day of joy for all those who have experienced the joy of being in a relationship with Jesus Christ. I am NOT THERE YET, but I rejoice in Him until that day.

I had to play a little catch up today. I have been reading my Bible according to a reading plan. I fell one day behind for the first time all year. I am actually kind of proud that I am not a week behind on reading. I am also pleased that I have not been fretting about the reading. I have not felt as if I had to read, but rather that I got to read. I will admit that there have been times when my devotional life has felt like a task on a "to do" list. I have felt that I had to really work on the job of a devotional life without a devoted relationship that desired to know the Lord more and more. My relationship with the Lord is just that a relationship. I struggle at times and allow things to get in between my Lord and me. I have to realize that I will at times feel distant because I have not put forth the right (and humble) effort. I cannot come to God and be self-righteous and prideful. God wants me to know Him... so, He revealed Himself through His Word, His love letter to us. He even sent His Son to show us the way. I want to see His face and the majesty of it. I want to hear His voice and the power in it. I want to get close enough in my relationship with Him that I can touch Him and feel His loving embrace around me. I am NOT THERE YET, but I have experienced enough of Him to keep moving forward.

Lord, I don't understand a whole lot of things. I question so much... even what You are doing a lot of times. I see pain and sorrow, and I cannot wrap my brain around its purpose. I know You work out the good in every bad situation. I know You are well aware of our grief and have experienced more pain than we could imagine. Lord, I have seen heartache and suffering this week in the world and I am asking for mercy and compassion for those who are afflicted. I have tasted Your goodness and I am so grateful for Your grace. I know that You are in control despite whatever Satan throws at us. I am thankful that You have given me my "daily" needs, so that I can lean on You more and learn to put my trust fully in You. Give me the strength to face tomorrow, because I am NOT THERE YET. Your love is amazing. In Jesus' name, amen.

I had some wonderful encouragement today. I thank God that He gives me such a great family. I use that word to talk about my brothers and sisters in Christ. I am glad to be a part of a family that is formed and held together by a loving, heavenly Father. As part of this family, I can unite on truth and differ in opinions with my brothers and sisters. I have an awesome support system of others who are NOT THERE YET. We all suffer through pain and sorrows. We are all touched by grief. We are all just sinners who have fallen but are able to get up by the grace of God. We are all on different parts of this journey but we all have a common goal. We are NOT THERE YET, but we are cheering each other onward. I hear the stories, feelings, and emotions of those who are going through the same as me, and I see real faith. It is not just a notion or gimmick. It is lived out in the steps they take toward home. I look forward to the day when we walk into the glorious city of God. We will all know that it is because of His love we have each made it there. We are NOT THERE YET, but God is with us and has given us each other until then.

I talk a lot. I mean A LOT. I don't always realize the power that I possess in the words that I say. I find myself being like the man that James (the brother of Jesus) describes in his epistle. I can talk a great talk and voice praises to the Lord. I can also gossip, lie, belittle others, and curse. My tongue is an uncontrollable force. I know I have severely damaged relationships and even my witness for the Lord because I cannot control my tongue. Yet, the hardest thing for me to speak is the phrase "I'm sorry." I know I say it quite a bit, but I sometimes question the sincerity behind the words. I have been trying to think more often on godly thoughts in hopes that my words will come from the thoughts. I have found that the outflow of my thoughts are represented by my words. If I give ear to gossip, slander, and curses; then I spew out the same. I want to be an encouragement to all those around me. I want to spur others on to do good deeds. I am NOT THERE YET. So, I ask for encouragement from all others.

I like the God-inspired concept of praying without ceasing. No, I am not saying that I pray 24/7. I find that it is easy for me to pray when I pray as things come to mind. I am not an eloquent speaker. Let's face it... I have a very short attention span too. I find that my prayer life consists of short "popcorn" prayers throughout the day. Do I have times when I spend more time in conversations with the Lord? Yes, I have times when my prayers are more lengthy. I must admit that things do steal my focus away from God's presence. In recent months, I have found that my prayers have been meditative responses on the Scriptures that I have either read or that have come to mind. I have found that God's promises lead to an outpouring of my heart to God. I love that I can be myself when I communicate to God. I do not need to use fancy words. God's Holy Spirit puts my limited ramblings into the right words for me. I am NOT THERE YET. God knows that. He still loves to hear my voice and welcomes me into His presence in prayer.

Don't let Satan have a foothold in any area of your life! He is not one to be taken lightly. He is cunning and deadly. His words are poison. Once Satan has been given even a glimpse of your attention, he knows he has you and will work his way gradually more and more into your thoughts until it is played out into your actions. Of course, wayward thoughts are just as sinful as the actions that come from them. I am NOT THERE YET!!! I should be a lot farther than I am, but I underestimate my adversary too much. I am growing though. I see my sin as an outright assault on the One who created me in His image. I see that my sin separates me from a closer relationship with God and those that I love. My sin comes with consequences. My sin rampages my peace, joy, and faith. I admit that I fall (sometimes on a daily basis), but thanks be to God that I am not a prisoner to sin and pursue it as I once did. I know that I am not perfect (because I am NOT THERE YET), but I am forgiven. When I sin, I can go to God who is faithful to forgive... if the sin is against my neighbor then I am willing to admit my fault and ask for their forgiveness. Please have patience with me as I grow on this journey. I am striving to be like Him. I am NOT THERE!

I was thinking about the blog today. I was chewing on something that I typed yesterday: "I don't know why people would refuse to open their eyes to His light and accept His love." I consider myself fortunate to have been raised in a Christian home that instilled in me values based on the authority of God's Word. I was taught about Christ from the time I was born. I accepted Christ through faith at baptism before I was a teenager. I had a simple, childlike faith that loved Jesus. Then life became "more complicated." At one time, I seriously was naive enough to think that everyone must believe in Jesus. I was oblivious to the fact that people are just as passionate about other "paths" to God... and some even steadfastly insist that no form of supernatural deity exists at the end of any path. It was then that I needed to examine whether or not my path was the correct one... or if I was wasting my time pursuing any path. I became intrigued with the study of apologetics (or defense) of the Christian faith. I could not buy the illogical theory that our complicated world came into existence from a chaotic, cosmic belch. I could not rationalize the proposition that opposing views can all be correct. I can debate with facts that are scientific, historical, philosophical, and archealogical... but one thing is still required to move from the realm of being a studier of God to a child of God in relationship with Him. A leap of faith is the prerequisite of being in a right relationship with God. No fact can be accepted without faith. Faith is accepting that you don't have all the answers but you will trust your life in One that does. I would like to say that nothing about God confuses, baffles, or even troubles me... but I cannot. I cannot grasp my hand around God and explain Him on a level that makes trusting in Him 100% safe, secure, and without any risks. I have tasted Him on my journey and found Him to be good in a world that is so corrupt and self-seeking. I am NOT THERE YET. I still have questions and doubts (at times). For those times, I have FAITH.

I was reminded today that the eyes are the window of the body... and I chose to open them to God's radiance and allow His light to shine. I live in a world that is filled with so much darkness. If I focus on the negative things around me, I become engulfed in darkness. I instead meditated on the truth of God. It amazes me how much everything around me is seen in a whole new light (the lens of His great truth). I see people as beloved creations of God the artist. I see problems as a means to reach an end that makes them worth it. I see life as an abundant experience with a purpose to honor my Lord and Savior. I have enjoyed basking in the warmth of His love today. I don't know why people would refuse to open their eyes to His light and accept His love. I can't wait until the day when His light will shine so bright in His city that there will be no need for the sun. I am NOT THERE YET, but just thinking about it is like peeking through the windows of my eternal home.

NOTE: I have decided that every seventh post on this blog (hoping that I post one a day) will not be a rant or summary of my collective thought about my relationship with God... but rather a written prayer to God...

Lord of all creation, I come before You tonight in awesome wonder of how I can even come before You at all. I have been thinking a lot this week about us and where I am in relation to Your greatness. Things have been fairly normal in my everyday activities, but I have seen several glimpses of Your presence around me (which has been very comforting and encouraging). I am so thankful to be able to petition You. Thank You, Lord Jesus, for standing between an unapproachable, holy God and this sinner. You have made all things right between the Father and me. I pray that my actions will continue to be glory to You. I also pray that my thoughts will be held captive. May my goal be to know You better tomorrow than I know You today. I am NOT THERE YET, Lord; but thanks to You, I am on the right path. In Jesus' name, amen.

I did something for God today. No, I am not bragging. I didn't do anything spectacular. I definitely will not make the evening news. No one probably noticed it at all. I am glad of that fact too. I went to work today and gave it to God. As a minister, I had the opportunity to share the powerful gospel of Jesus Christ with others. That is a calling in my life that I am very humbled to receive, but my service to God must be more than that. I am not sure if what I did today made any influence, but I have to go into my job with the attitude that God can receive glory through my service to people anywhere. Wherever I come into contact with people (or wherever people are watching), I can allow God to use me. I have also found that things can sometimes be mundane, tedious, and unrewarding. I do not seek to be rewarded by the things that many people seek. I will never be a man of great wealth. My reward will be in Heaven to share in His glorious riches. I am NOT THERE YET. So, I know I still have a work to do. May God be glorified in everything that I do whether big or small. Whether others see my work or not, God, I am doing it for You.

Do over! Mulligan! Another chance! We all need another opportunity to correct a single mistake or sometimes a whole day. Unfortunately opportunities are available once. We must make the most of every opportunity that we are given. I wish I could take back several careless words. I long for chances to see faces of people with whom I wish I could have invested more time. Words do damage and time marches on. So, I throw myself upon grace. I cannot change what I have done, but Jesus Christ died to erase my guilt. I still have to pay the consequences for my actions, and I accept that. I am forgiven! I will shout that from the highest mountain. I have been set free from my prison. Where my righteousness is still being perfected (because I am NOT THERE YET), I have already been given His righteousness in the sight of God. Tomorrow I will wake up with a day full of opportunities. I plan on setting my sights on that fact and not looking back. When I take even a glance back, I fall back to temptations, regrets, and habitual sins. When I see what I could be (His holiness), I run with unbridled thankfulness into His arms. I am NOT THERE YET. I am not what I was.

"Be still and know that He is God." That is a very high goal to accomplish. My life stays busy. My thoughts are sporadic. I just need to quiet myself and do whatever that might require me to do. Get away from the noise. Clear my schedule. Lock myself away from the world. Silence the many voices that have been given my attention. After all, my goal is to be transformed into His perfect likeness. That requires me to listen to Him and truly let Him reveal Himself to me. It only happens if I let it happen. When I talk I speak from the limited knowledge and futile reasoning that comes from the mind of a finite individual. My wisdom has failed me on numerous accounts. I cannot even explain myself to the level that He knows me. Stop throwing up answers in desperation! Trust something beyond your own wisdom! Hush! I am NOT THERE YET. I am going to stop talking now and spend some time listening.

"It's gonna hurt me more than it hurts you." How many times have those words been desperately said by a parent with tears in their eyes? How many times (in the heat of the moment) do children actually believe those words? Discipline is never truly understood by a child until a look at the reasoning behind it can be put into proper perspective. Discipline is hard for me because I think I know what I need and what I deserve. Then I get smacked upside the head and spiritually spanked. It's a good thing too. My perspective on things are so tunnel-vision. I have my own set of "righteous standards" that I would follow. God's are the ones that matter. I don't consider them a list of "do's" and "don't's"; however, they are a list of "I know what really matter's." God has set up boundaries around me. He doesn't smack me around over every thing. He lets me make my choices (even if they are wrong) because He loves me. When I am in danger of becoming so hardhearted and rebellious that I stop even caring, He allows the consequences of my actions and the conviction of the Holy Spirit to realign my thinking and actions. I still have to choose to listen though. God doesn't discipline me out of anger, malice, or hatred. He does it for the same reason that all real parents do. He refuses to allow me to stay the way I am, when He knows there is so much more for me. I am not His son by natural birth. He chose to adopt me, and it cost the life of His Son. Once I became an heir of His kingdom, He wouldn't dare leave me as an illegitmite child. He will keep me in line by His enduring love because He knows I am NOT THERE YET!

I have a fear... I am afraid to be completely transparent to others. I am a very relationally driven person, but I am a very sheltered individual. This probably comes from past hurts and broken trust from even some of my once closest friends. I find it much easier to hide my feelings than to be open and honest... with everyone in my life. This is what makes this blog such a hard (and hopefully a growing) experience for me. I desire to know people and be known by people, but I want to manage what they know about me. Even when I am openly working for the Lord, I find my thoughts and emotions sometimes go outside the boundaries that keep me comfortable. I find it hard to "be myself" when I am constantly wondering if "myself" is good enough. I know plenty of people who have seen "myself" and have chosen to dismiss or even hate me. Then I magnify that to an immeasurable level and realize that I am in a relationship with God who knows everything about me. And I could try to run and hide, but I can't. He knows my every thought and every sin intentionally committed against Him. I can't go anywhere outside His presence. I can't do anything outside His knowledge of it. Knowing everything about me, He still died for me. He still says that I am something that is worthy (only through His blood) to be used in His service as His ambassador to a world full of people in the same boat as me. I am NOT THERE YET, but I am on the journey toward the only real goal, His holy perfection. Others can say that they are good people, but I don't dare say that about myself. I am trying to follow in the footsteps of the only individual that ever was a "good person." He is God who lived a perfect life, has every right to judge me for not being perfect, and instead died for me. So, I can open up and be real with Him. He is faithful to forgive when I do (with repentant sorrow). I just hope that others can see that I am NOT THERE YET, and cheer me on as I run toward the goal.

Today, my chronicle of the journey has begun. The journey itself began almost nineteen years ago. Like most "journeys," my journey began with a lot of emotion... fear, excitement, joy, gratitude, and yes, a little hype. Since the beginning of my journey, I have encounter several different obstacles (many have formed deep valleys that required a submissive hand to God's control to overcome)... depression, anxiety, self-centeredness, impure thoughts, bitterness, doubt, covetness, hatred, hypocrisy, an unforgiving heart, and the list goes on and on. I have been adulteress to my God; yet, He continues to be faithful with a love that has no bounds. At this moment in my life, I am grateful for the depths from which I have been pulled... but I still feel like I am a spoiled child wanting all the good from God but not longing to learn, listen, or work hard toward a relationship (except when convenient). I wake up in a day-in, day-out world, and I don't take time to reboot my thinking often times to see my world through the right lens. I see a desire though. I am hungry for more of God, but I stay distracted and often starve myself of His nutritients. I want everyday to be like today. I gave some. I learned some. I listened some. I dwelled on God's presence. I still had my "duties" of life with plenty of distractions, but I tried to pay some attention to God's quiet voice. And I found Him to be with me today. He knows I am NOT THERE YET, but He has seen what He made and saved me to be. So, I'll keep walking on this journey.