I have been very distracted lately. Death can really interrupt life. It can interrupt and put a pause on pretty much everything in life. I just kept thinking... "This is not the way He meant it to be." Death may be considered one of those natural things of life, but it is not. It was not in God's plan of our lives. He planned a wonderful, intimate relationship with us that was eternal. Now, because of the existance of sin, that relationship only fully exists on the other side of death for those who have surrendered their lives to Christ. To conquer sin, Christ had to die. To conquer death, He had to rise. To accept that free gift of eternal life, we must unite ourselves to His death and resurrection in baptism. I do not fear death. I see it as a promotion and reward. I look forward to hearing Him say, "Well done, my good and faithful servant. Enter into your reward." I am NOT THERE YET, so I will serve Him until then.

Father, I am so thankful to be a part of Your family. I am so privileged to have a support system that is made up of brothers and sisters. You have lavished Your love on each one of us and we are bond together by that love. In this family, we share pain, joy, sadness, and laughter. We put opinions aside because we know that You alone are Truth. Protect Your children from division from the enemy. May our lives be a praise to Your name that we bear as Christians. We are NOT THERE YET. I am NOT THERE YET. I have them. They have me. In Your holy name, Jesus, amen.

I have been thinking a lot about (and experiencing) sorrow the last few days. I have seen those around me that have had to come to grips with their sins and plead for forgiveness from those they have hurt. Then my own temptations come back to haunt me and my desires become self-seeking instead of Christ-centered. I am sorrowful because of the traps into which I allow myself to fall. I am sorrowful because I have hurt others with my selfish choices. I am sorrowful especially because it is against the One who lovingly created me. I am not sorrowful because I have been found out or caught. In an effort to live with more integrity, I am trying to make the grey areas of my life translucent to those around me. I don't want to admit my every single fault but this journey is stretching me to do so. I must admit that I am NOT THERE YET. My sorrow is not just expressed in apologetic words, but it is taking form in repentant actions. I am NOT THERE YET. I am cleaning house. I am seeking forgiveness and anticipating change.

Some things are harder to do than other things. Some things are so hard to do that it can literally make you sick to even think about doing it. Admitting faults can often be one of those things. It can also be difficult to confront others with truth. I find it hard to face others when I know that I am going to hear something that I do not want to hear... which can be their opinions but sometimes the truth. It is especially difficult to know the Truth of God and apply Its simple (yet absolute) truth to my life. Why? I have a sinful nature that has been so deceived that when confronted with Truth does not want to concede defeat. If that Truth is applied to the situations already mentioned then it becomes a stand-off. Relationships are very difficult to manage. The natural desire is to put me first. I cannot risk humiliation to lower myself in status with others... but Truth tells me I must. It also gives me an example of One who did for me. Christ died a humiliating death for the entertainment of those who rejected Him, plotted against Him, spread false testimony against Him, and rejoiced in His physical and emotional sufferings. Every day brings multiple relationship opportunities. Who will reign in them? Christ? Me? I confess I am NOT THERE YET. I pray tomorrow will not be about me... so that Christ can be glorified as Lord by others.

I want to be used by God. I have been trying to do so much that it just seems like I get in His way sometimes. I want to acheive so much but I am not sure if it is all for His glory. I want to serve, but I forget to do so with humility. I want to be a tool in the Master Craftsman's hands. I want to be clay on His potter's wheel. I want to be an instrument of His grace to those who like me are NOT THERE YET. I want to be a holy example. Unfortunately, it seems no matter how hard I try... I am what people see. I pridefully accept the applause when things go well. Then God seems to get the blame when I am such a horrible representative of His holiness. I cannot be hidden because I have taken up the high calling of my Lord, Jesus Christ. I am a reflection of Him. May I radiate His glory in all that I do. I am NOT THERE YET, but I am His ambassador while I am here.

Where does my praise come from? My praise to God is not based on sheer emotion. It is not about feelings. Yes, my feelings do get absorbed into the moment of praise, but my praise finds its real base in facts not feelings. I can praise God for who He is, what He has done, and His promises to me. Things around me are constantly changing around me. Even inside my mind, my thoughts and emotions are betraying and, at times, self-imploding. I cannot find reasons for peace, hope, or even to love without the solid presence of God in my life. Is everything in my life calm? No way! Peace comes in the midst of turmoil though when I know that the storms will pass and God is in control. I can express the purest form of love (agape) because I have been given so much from God for no reason at all. I have hope that even though I am NOT THERE YET, I am going to see God (the object of my praise).

I have had the opportunity lately to reflect on relationships. I am thankful for the many different types of relationships that I have the opportunity to enjoy. I am thankful especially that I have a relationship with my Lord and Savior. Christianity has been accused of being nothing more than just another religion with rituals, disciplines, and sacraments aimed at a figure of deity of the person's choice. First, I see Christianity as a relationship (not a religion) because I see that God stepped into His creation by laying aside His privileges of God (and all its splendor) and donning a body of finite mortality. Second, I see Christianity as a relationship because I see that God modeled everything that was taught in His Word and fulfilled the holy requirements that we couldn't because of our rebellion. Finally, I see Christianity as a relationship because I see that God did not set up an unattainable standard that people should strive to live up to but He died that all who accepted His free gift (His own life given in sacrifice for our sins) could be imputed with His righteousness... and, by definition, be put in a right relationship with God (against whom we have sinned). It is not about what we are doing (religion)... it is about what He has done for us to live in a relationship with Him. I am NOT THERE YET... but it is not dependent on me because He is the One who is lovingly transforming me into His likeness if I let Him.

Focus. I need focus. Lately I have been anything but focused. It is amazing to me that when the body feels weak from either sickness, injury, fatigue, or lack of sleep... the mind is weak too. I have had more time to sit this week than most weeks, but I have not been focused. Life is such a juggling act... except I am not coordinated enough. I think that it is hard to focus on the spiritual side of life when the physical side is so in-your-face and the emotional side is so pulsating. Why does it have to be a constant struggle? If it was only as easy as turning on cruise control, then we probably wouldn't learn a thing about it. God wants to be Lord of our life. He is God. He died to be our Savior. He will one day prove to everyone that He is indeed Lord. I have placed my faith in Him as God. I have clung to Him as my only means to salvation. I am trying every day to make Him Lord of my entire life. I am NOT THERE YET. May He reign as Lord of my life more every day though.

Lord, redirect my thoughts to You. Distractions have clouded my life and my vision of You. Bring me back to my first love. Wash me clean once again. Take away my guilt and set me on the right way toward Your righteousness. Give me a fire that burns with passion for You and Your ways. Open up a road ahead of me. Thank You for Your guidance and patience. I am waiting Your instruction and even Your discipline. I want to live this lifetime (that You have given me) for You. Strengthen my spiritual endurance. Help me run this race... I am NOT THERE YET. In Jesus' name, amen.

God, You are so consuming. You engulf me with Your love. You give me my needs when I don't even no what they are. You have been the only constant in this world for me. I have found myself giving You control this week into areas of my life that I want so badly to handle on my own. I want You to feel at home in my life though. Make Yourself comfortable. Explore every area of my life and remodel what You want... I am NOT THERE YET. You are still faithful though and You are molding me into Your likeness. Thank You. In Jesus' name, amen.

I am very opinionated. I have actions, reactions, emotions, and thoughts programmed into me from years of listening to cleverly crafted lies from the deceiver. I am a man of convictions, but I am willing to admit that not all of them have been founded and rooted in truth. I am so trying to rewire my thinking which in turn will change my actions. I am still finding myself trying to justify my stubbornness. I have found Truth in a world engulfed in lies though. It is not just my opinion. It has been breathed forth from the mouth of the Almighty God. The more that I fill myself with the living organism that is the Word of God... the more my deceived opinions are expelled from my heart and mind. The stain of my rebellious sin has been removed. The poisonous lies are being remedied. I am NOT THERE YET... but I am building myself upon a Rock.

I have been trying to figure out my role in the grander scheme of things. God has such a great view of the working of everything in the universe. His hand moves pieces into place by setting signs and sometimes billboards in view of open hearts and minds. Some people listen and allow God to use them. Others are ignorant of the interceeding hand of God. I am glad to say that I have seen God at work. I have even been able to play a part into God's wonderful plan of salvation and reconciliation. I have wallowed in times when I thought that God was not using me at all though. I have proclaimed His Word to lost souls. I have seen so many either be completely unchanged by It's truth or vehemently reject It altogether. I have questioned why I must be faithful to keep preaching when no one is listening. I have also celebrated in seasons of bountiful harvest. I do not know what role I have really played in anyone's life in regard to their relationship with Christ because I am NOT THERE YET, but one day I will. I eagerly await that day. I will keep preaching until then.

I serve an amazing God. I see Him in the beauty of nature. I see Him in the ability to reason. I hear Him in the harmony of a song. I feel Him in every heartbeat. I hear Him the giggle of children. I feel His love in the warmth of the sunshine. I reach for Him from the highest mountain peak. I have tasted His goodness in every good thing I have been given. To think that I can experience Him is awesome. I read His revelation and the path in front of me is lit brightly. His love is intoxicating. I want to know it all more and experience it more. I pursue Him every day because I am NOT THERE YET.

I am reaching goals. I am seeing small victories in my life. I can see how God has changed me. I can see how God is changing me. I can see that the more I focus on God then the less I fall back to those things in my past. I know better than to set my goals to high and unrealistic. I do have an ultimate goal... God's holiness and His holy standard. I realize though that I cannot reach such a glorious prize without taking the individual, daily death of my desires, pride, and self. I cannot commit a lifetime to God without committing my individual days to Him. So, tomorrow is the first goal to attain. I want to be with God tomorrow, so that I can be with God the next day and every day afterwards. Included in that commitment of tomorrow, I will do what God has given me to accomplish with joy, purpose, and a self-sacrificing attitude. I have been crucified with Christ... and I am really living. I am NOT THERE YET... but I am taking it one step at a time.

I am trying to kill myself. No, I am not trying to kill my physical body. I am trying to put to death more and more of my old man that Satan still likes to resurrect. I am under extreme conviction right now to sever any connection. I am wrestling. Unfortunately I am still trying to find a middle ground. No compromise can be accepted though. God's Word must be the authoritative judge. Satan, did you hear that! I love my Lord. He has already delivered me from the eternal consequences of my willful sins. He has offered my grace even though I know I do not deserve it. I know that the One that lives within me is greater than any force that is at work in this fallen world. I am NOT THERE YET... I can win though through His strength.